Act 00 Scene 00

Setting the Stage

30|00|13|12|L|Q|
29|00|13|12|R|Q|

Act 01 Scene 01

Long and Fast

10|00|00|12|L|S|This is a really long line. I can`t even see where it starts. 10|00|00|04|L|Q| 09|00|00|16|R|Q| 10|00|00|14|L|Q| 09|00|00|10|R|S|Yeah... Any idea what we`re waiting for? 09|00|00|04|R|Q| 10|00|00|06|L|S|It`s moving pretty fast though. 10|00|00|04|L|Q| 09|00|00|10|R|Q| 10|00|00|10|L|Q| 09|00|00|06|R|S|Is that a good thing? 09|00|00|04|R|Q| 10|00|00|08|L|T|???? 09|00|00|08|R|T|??????

Act 01 Scene 07

Fresh Accident

19|00|00|24|R|S|What the hell do you think you were doing?
You moved right over in front of us! 19|00|00|06|R|Q| 20|00|00|30|L|Q| 19|00|00|30|R|Q| 20|00|00|24|L|S|That other guy was merging in from the on-ramp.
What were we supposed to do?
Slam on the brakes? 20|00|00|06|L|Q| 19|00|00|24|R|S|So you move over in front of us, so we have to slam on the brakes!
Is that better? 19|00|00|06|R|Q| 20|00|00|30|L|Q| 19|00|00|20|R|Q| 20|00|00|14|L|S|We were just trying to be nice - something you would have no idea about. 20|00|00|06|L|Q| 19|00|00|24|R|S|Nice to one, but rude to many!
If either of us hits the brakes, the entire highway slows down. 19|00|00|06|R|Q| 20|00|00|30|L|Q| 19|00|00|20|R|Q| 20|00|00|14|L|S|It`s not going to hurt anybody to slow down.
You`re just being selfish. 20|00|00|06|L|Q| 19|00|00|14|R|S|Not going to hurt anybody?!!!
The accident you caused hurt a few! 19|00|00|06|R|Q| 20|00|00|20|L|Q| 19|00|00|30|R|Q| 20|00|00|24|L|S|If you hadn`t been going so fast, it wouldn`t have happened.
If we would all just give a little, everyone would fare better. 20|00|00|06|L|Q| 19|00|00|30|R|S|I`m gonna give you a little...... Hey....
Where the hell are we, anyway?
This must be one huge hospital. 19|00|00|06|R|Q| 20|00|00|36|L|Q| 19|00|00|36|R|Q| 20|00|00|30|L|S|Well... I remember hurting my arm in the accident, but it seems to be fine now.
Maybe this is the recovery room. 20|00|00|06|L|Q| 19|00|00|06|R|S|But why are we in line? 20|00|00|06|L|Q| 19|00|00|08|R|T|???? 20|00|00|08|L|T|???? 19|00|00|08|R|Q| 20|00|07|08|L|Q|

Act 01 Scene 08

God`s God

23|00|00|10|R|S|Pretty unlucky ending up here, huh? 24|00|00|10|L|Q| 23|00|00|10|R|Q| 24|00|00|10|L|S|You don`t know the half of it. 23|00|00|20|R|S|I guess everybody thinks that they are the one who is so unlucky. 24|00|00|20|L|Q| 23|00|00|10|R|Q| 24|00|00|10|L|S|Here`s how unlucky I am. 23|00|00|48|R|Q| 24|00|00|48|L|S|If my God had a God, my God`s God would punish my God for treating me so poorly. 23|00|00|10|R|S|Are we still talking about luck? 24|00|00|10|L|Q| 23|00|00|10|R|Q| 24|00|00|10|L|S|It`s all a matter of perspective.

Act 01 Scene 99

Intermission 1

01|00|13|04|R|Q| 02|00|13|04|R|Q| 03|00|13|04|R|Q| 04|00|13|04|R|Q| 05|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 07|00|13|04|R|Q| 08|00|13|04|R|Q| 09|00|13|04|R|Q| 10|00|13|04|R|Q| 11|00|13|04|R|Q| 12|00|13|04|R|Q| 13|00|13|04|R|Q| 14|00|13|04|R|Q| 15|00|13|04|R|Q| 16|00|13|04|R|Q| 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 18|00|13|04|R|Q| 19|00|13|04|R|Q| 20|00|13|04|R|Q| 21|00|13|04|R|Q| 22|00|13|04|R|Q| 23|00|13|04|R|Q| 24|00|13|04|R|Q| 25|00|13|04|R|Q| 26|00|13|04|R|Q| 27|00|13|04|R|Q| 28|00|13|04|R|Q| 29|00|13|04|R|Q| 30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 02 Scene 03

Idol Hunger

05|00|00|10|R|S|Everything you desire is an idol. 06|00|00|05|L|Q| 06|00|00|05|L|T|???? 05|00|00|20|R|S|The only desire which is not idolatry, is the desire for God. 06|00|00|10|L|Q| 06|00|00|10|L|T|!!!! 05|00|00|14|R|Q| 06|00|00|14|L|S|Am I committing idolatry when I desire a meal? 05|00|00|16|R|S|You are, if you do not thank God for granting you the meal. 06|00|00|16|L|Q| 05|00|00|06|R|Q| 06|00|00|06|L|S|By saying grace. 05|00|00|04|R|S|Yes. 06|00|00|04|L|Q| 05|00|00|18|R|Q| 06|00|00|18|L|S|By that reasoning, I should say grace before having sex. 05|00|00|20|R|T|!!!! 06|00|00|20|L|S|``God is great. God is good. And we thank Him for this....`` 05|00|00|08|R|T|???? 06|00|00|08|L|Q|

Act 02 Scene 06

The Rub

12|00|00|12|L|S|Anyone can have a partner. 11|00|00|12|R|Q| 12|00|00|04|L|Q| 11|00|00|04|R|T|???? 12|00|00|24|L|S|As long as they are willing to adjust their standards, they will always have someone. 11|00|00|24|R|Q| 12|00|00|04|L|Q| 11|00|00|04|R|S|What? 12|00|00|32|L|S|So, anytime you want someone to be your partner, you have to convince them that you are more desirable than the partner they have. 11|00|00|32|R|Q| 12|00|00|04|L|Q| 11|00|00|04|R|S|OK. 12|00|00|24|L|S|Sometimes, this is not that hard. Sometimes, this requires considerable effort. 11|00|00|24|R|Q| 12|00|00|04|L|Q| 11|00|00|04|R|S|Yeah? 12|00|00|10|L|S|And there`s the rub. 11|00|00|10|R|Q| 12|00|00|04|L|Q| 11|00|00|04|R|T|???? 12|00|00|24|L|S|I could never bring myself to work that hard at proving that I was better than someone else. 11|00|00|24|R|Q| 12|00|00|04|L|Q| 11|00|00|04|R|S|Pity.

Act 02 Scene 07

Planting Seed

09|00|00|12|L|Q| 08|00|00|08|R|S|Do you think God will be hard on homosexuals? 08|00|00|04|R|Q| 09|00|00|04|L|S|Not really. 09|00|00|04|L|Q| 08|00|00|08|R|Q| 09|00|00|12|L|Q| 08|00|00|08|R|S|It`s an abomination! That`s what He said. 08|00|00|04|R|Q| 09|00|00|18|L|S|God`s all about procreation.
`Be fruitful and multiply.`
And all that. 09|00|00|04|L|Q| 08|00|00|22|R|Q| 09|00|00|06|L|Q| 08|00|00|04|R|S|Yeah? 08|00|00|02|R|Q| 09|00|00|24|L|S|He doesn`t want us to waste it.
You know,
``Better to plant it in the belly of a whore than to spill it on the ground.`` 09|00|00|04|L|Q| 08|00|00|28|R|Q| 09|00|00|06|L|Q| 08|00|00|04|R|S|So? 08|00|00|02|R|Q| 09|00|00|20|L|S|He`s just a little miffed that the gays aren`t putting it where it can grow. That`s all. 09|00|00|04|L|Q| 08|00|00|24|R|Q| 09|00|00|12|L|Q| 08|00|00|10|R|S|Then that would be true for all forms of sodomy, including oral. 08|00|00|02|R|Q| 09|00|00|04|L|S|True enough. 09|00|00|02|L|Q| 08|00|00|06|R|Q| 09|00|00|08|L|Q| 08|00|00|08|R|Q| 09|00|00|24|L|S|It also means that if wasting semen is a sin,
then the gays are sinning,
but the lesbians are not. 09|00|00|04|L|Q| 08|00|00|28|R|Q| 09|00|00|08|L|Q| 08|00|00|08|R|Q| 09|00|00|12|L|Q| 08|00|00|10|R|S|No seed wasted there I guess. 08|00|00|02|R|Q|

Act 02 Scene 99

Intermission 2

01|00|13|04|R|Q| 02|00|13|04|R|Q| 03|00|13|04|R|Q| 04|00|13|04|R|Q| 05|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 07|00|13|04|R|Q| 08|00|13|04|R|Q| 09|00|13|04|R|Q| 10|00|13|04|R|Q| 11|00|13|04|R|Q| 12|00|13|04|R|Q| 13|00|13|04|R|Q| 14|00|13|04|R|Q| 15|00|13|04|R|Q| 16|00|13|04|R|Q| 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 18|00|13|04|R|Q| 19|00|13|04|R|Q| 20|00|13|04|R|Q| 21|00|13|04|R|Q| 22|00|13|04|R|Q| 23|00|13|04|R|Q| 24|00|13|04|R|Q| 25|00|13|04|R|Q| 26|00|13|04|R|Q| 27|00|13|04|R|Q| 28|00|13|04|R|Q| 29|00|13|04|R|Q| 30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 02

Real Sarcasm

00|DK|00|04|R|S|So what`s your story? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|06|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|Q| 00|00|07|10|R|S|Ahh.. Goldylocks and the three bears? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|S|Standing at the
Pearly Gates,
and you`re still throwing that
stuff around. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|18|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|02|R|S|What stuff? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|You`ve been skating by on that sarcastic nonsense your entire life. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|02|R|S|So what? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|When the time of reckoning is upon you, find your straight face, and speak from the heart. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|00|12|R|S|So what if I flavor my words with irony and hyperbole? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|Your irreverence
exposes your lack
of commitment to
your own well being. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|02|R|S|So? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|So it`s time for some real sarcasm. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|06|R|Q| 00|00|07|04|R|S|What do you mean? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|S|Bye bye. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|06|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|SM|07|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 04

All Knowledge

00|DK|00|08|R|S|Have you forgiven your trespassers? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|10|R|Q| 00|DK|00|06|R|Q| 00|00|07|04|R|S|I guess. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|You guess?
Do you know how many
people in Heaven are
holding a grudge
against you? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|16|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|Q| 00|00|07|10|R|S|Well,
Bob from work is probably still pissed... 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|S|None!
Zero.
Do you know why? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|12|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|Q| 00|00|07|14|R|S|Because once your dead there`s nothing you can do about it? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|Because when you get to Heaven, you understand why. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|16|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|07|02|R|S|Why what? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|S|Why Mary slapped Bill at the office party.
Why Jenny didn`t... 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|12|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|Oh yeah!
Bill probably said something stupid and off-color. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|22|R|S|That`s not the point!
The point is you will know
why trespasses happened,
and understand. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|24|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|So just because I know
why someone hurt me,
is enough for me
to forgive them? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|When you can see the whole picture,
it all makes sense. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|Q| 00|00|07|08|R|S|That does make it easier to let it all go. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|ST|07|04|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|Actually,
it was because Bill goosed her at the water cooler. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 05

Democratic Heaven

00|DK|00|08|R|S|Oh,
it`s you. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|10|R|Q| 00|DK|00|06|R|Q| 00|00|07|04|R|S|It`s me! 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|Uh... Actually...
You have been
voted out. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|16|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|Q| 00|00|07|10|R|S|What do you mean,
`Voted out`
??? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|We took a vote.
You didn`t get enough support. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|Q| 00|00|07|14|R|S|You can`t get voted out of Heaven! 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|In fact, it turns out, you can. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|16|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|Most of the people in Heaven don`t even know me. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|S|Everybody in Heaven knows you. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|12|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|So,
insult one,
insult all?
Is that it? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|22|R|S|Pretty much.
More than just one,
though, wasn`t it? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|24|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|Q| 00|00|07|14|R|S|I thought as long as you believed in Jesus, you were in. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|S|That`s just the
story we tell,
so we can see what
you`re really like. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|18|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|Q| 00|00|07|08|R|S|Bummer.
Thought I had a free pass. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|ST|07|04|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|S|Just kidding.
You`re golden.
Still an ass, though. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 99

Intermission 3

01|00|13|04|R|Q| 02|00|13|04|R|Q| 03|00|13|04|R|Q| 04|00|13|04|R|Q| 05|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 07|00|13|04|R|Q| 08|00|13|04|R|Q| 09|00|13|04|R|Q| 10|00|13|04|R|Q| 11|00|13|04|R|Q| 12|00|13|04|R|Q| 13|00|13|04|R|Q| 14|00|13|04|R|Q| 15|00|13|04|R|Q| 16|00|13|04|R|Q| 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 18|00|13|04|R|Q| 19|00|13|04|R|Q| 20|00|13|04|R|Q| 21|00|13|04|R|Q| 22|00|13|04|R|Q| 23|00|13|04|R|Q| 24|00|13|04|R|Q| 25|00|13|04|R|Q| 26|00|13|04|R|Q| 27|00|13|04|R|Q| 28|00|13|04|R|Q| 29|00|13|04|R|Q| 30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 04 Scene 02

Where`s Jesus?

01|00|13|08|R|Q| 02|00|13|08|R|Q| 03|00|13|08|R|Q| 04|00|13|08|R|Q| 05|00|13|08|R|Q| 06|00|13|08|R|Q| 07|00|13|08|R|Q| 08|00|13|08|R|Q| 09|00|13|08|R|Q| 10|00|13|08|R|Q| 11|00|13|08|R|Q| 12|00|13|08|R|Q| 13|00|13|08|R|Q| 14|00|13|08|R|Q| 15|00|13|08|R|Q| 16|00|13|08|R|Q| 17|00|13|08|R|Q| 18|00|13|08|R|Q| 19|00|13|08|R|Q| 20|00|13|08|R|Q| 21|00|13|08|R|Q| 22|00|13|08|R|Q| 23|00|13|08|R|Q| 24|00|13|08|R|Q| 25|00|13|08|R|Q| 26|00|13|08|R|Q| 27|00|13|08|R|Q| 28|00|13|08|R|Q| 29|00|13|08|R|Q| 30|00|13|08|R|Q| 01|00|13|24|R|Q| 02|00|13|24|R|Q| 03|00|13|24|R|Q| 04|00|13|24|R|Q| 05|00|13|24|R|Q| 06|00|13|24|R|Q| 07|00|13|24|R|Q| 08|00|13|24|R|Q| 09|00|13|24|R|Q| 10|00|13|24|R|Q| 11|00|13|24|R|Q| 12|00|13|24|R|Q| 13|00|13|24|R|Q| 14|00|13|24|R|Q| 15|00|13|24|R|Q| 16|00|13|24|R|Q| 17|00|13|24|R|Q| 18|00|13|24|R|Q| 19|00|13|24|R|Q| 20|00|13|24|R|Q| 21|00|13|24|R|Q| 22|00|13|08|R|S|Where`s Jesus? 22|00|13|16|R|Q| 23|00|13|08|L|Q| 23|00|13|16|L|S|I think he went
to get groceries. 24|00|13|24|R|Q| 25|00|13|24|R|Q| 26|00|13|24|R|Q| 27|00|13|24|R|Q| 28|00|13|24|R|Q| 29|00|13|24|R|Q| 30|00|13|24|R|Q| 01|00|13|08|R|Q| 02|00|13|08|R|Q| 03|00|13|08|R|Q| 04|00|13|08|R|Q| 05|00|13|08|R|Q| 06|00|13|08|R|Q| 07|00|13|08|R|Q| 08|00|13|08|R|Q| 09|00|13|08|R|Q| 10|00|13|08|R|Q| 11|00|13|08|R|Q| 12|00|13|08|R|Q| 13|00|13|08|R|Q| 14|00|13|08|R|Q| 15|00|13|08|R|Q| 16|00|13|08|R|Q| 17|00|13|08|R|Q| 18|00|13|08|R|Q| 19|00|13|08|R|Q| 20|00|13|08|R|Q| 21|00|13|08|R|Q| 22|00|13|08|R|Q| 23|00|13|08|R|Q| 24|00|13|08|R|Q| 25|00|13|08|R|Q| 26|00|13|08|R|Q| 27|00|13|08|R|Q| 28|00|13|08|R|Q| 29|00|13|08|R|Q| 30|00|13|08|R|Q|